10 Things to Hate About Being Southern: In Our Defense

Let Me preface my post with the statement that I LOVE BEING SOUTHERN!  But I recently read a blog that bashed the south all over the place, from a guy who pretty much stuck to Texas and Florida, neither of which qualify as Southern States. (Florida has been taken over by skyscrapers, and Texas is Western, not Southern. Hell, it is even SouthWestern! It's just Texas.)

But there are some things to hate about it.  Mostly, this is a list of misconceptions that drive me half-way to the Nut Hut! 

10. Everyone thinks you're a Clampett! 

     I am not, nor are any of my friends or acquaintances, ill-educated.   But somehow, whenever I would go for a job interview, despite my stellar recommendations and education, I was always asked "Is this your first time in shoes?" yuck, yuck, yuck!  I am always too southern and too polite for violent revenge, so I think they should appreciate my Southern Identity, since it keeps me from punching them in the face!

9.  Southerners are NOT inbred.  

     Now, don't get me wrong, I laughed just as hard as anyone else when I heard Jim on "True Blood" refer to his packmaster as "Uncle-Daddy Calvin".  Let's face it, it was hilarious! However, I can safely vouch that no couple of my knowledge is of any relation to eachother. (Though Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt were cousins...just so you know.)  However, as with any tight-knit group, we have lots of Aunts and Uncles who are also of no real relation, so I guess it may be possible to marry your 'cousin', being that they aren't actually your cousin...  You always hear about 'someone who knew someone who knew someone who was married to their cousin' but you never actually knew anyone who actually was, in fact, married to their cousin.  But just to display our classic Southern back-handedness: In most northern states, it is legal to marry not only your first cousin, but also half-siblings.  (um...gross!)

8.  The perception that Southerners are racist:  

    Not to say that there aren't racist southerners, there certainly are.  There are also racist Californians.  But nowhere I have ever traveled in this country is more openly racist all around than Saginaw, MI.   Michigan surprised me because I assumed that Northerners were by far more racially tolerant.  I mean, Canadians seem to be.  Apparently, that kind of tolerance and brotherhood stops at the border with Michigan.  I'm not white enough to be white there, and not black enough to be black, and I got a lot of stare-downs and gestured threats from either side of that very wide divide...it creeped me out big-time!  Arriving in Canada was like Dorothy arriving at Oz from the Dark Forrest!  I was near to tears when I got there, that's how much it freaked me out!

7. The perception that Southerners are Homophobic:

   This one surprised me and also made me laugh.  My concept of homophobia is that men who are homophobic are really men who have latent homosexual tendencies, that they are afraid to admit to.  Now that I think of it, just about everyone I know has a gay friend.  At least one. 

    What I have noticed though, even if it is off-topic,  is that Europeans have this like bizarre obsession with gays...like WTF?  We had an exchange student beg us to take her to "where the gay people are" and I'm like "This is America, gay people are where everyone else is".  She did not seem to comprehend this concept of intermingling...I suppose she figured there'd be like a gay embassy or something.  Anyway, no, Southerners are no more homophobic than people of any other region.  In fact, I'd say less-so because whether gay or straight, all southerners have a pronounced sense of personal style, so I guess we just take fabulous for granted. No shit, I wear pearls like all the time. (We revile those awful women who wear those hideous denim jumpers and have that 1980's poodle perm hair down to their knees! I mean come on! In Proverbs 31, God calls women to have fine clothing...A denim jumper dress is NOT fine clothing!)

   I think that racial/homophobic-sounding slurs are like a meta-joke...you either understand it, or you don't.  I was called Ghetto Booty since high school and I never thought twice about it.  I also never thought twice about laughing at my (gay) buddy calling me a breeder, and my calling him a mary. We just happen to have a sense of humor that is lost on an overly-contrite American conscience.

6.  Southerners are polite:

     We are extensively polite.  (often to the point of annoyance)  Proper Etiquette is as ingrained in our identity as our finger prints.  Southerners will chew your ass, and might even kick your ass, for any of the following:

-Not holding a door for a lady: (If the lady appears not to expect her Significant Other to hold the door for her, people shake their head and say things like "Poor abused girl! He doesn't even hold the door for her!")

-Honking to pick up a date, or really anyone: Except when there is inclimate whether and you have babies in the car!  Once upon a time, my mother jerked one of my dates out through his car window, dragged him into the house and MADE him call his mother and apologize for making her look like she didn't know who to raise a boy. No Shit.  He never honked again! (my mother is also the same woman who flipped a bull by his horns in her Sunday dress, but I digress...)

-Not saying "please" and "thank you":  Even in the drive-thru, you must say please and thank you.  For Southerners, it just comes naturally to say it, so when someone doesn't say it, we're thrown-off a little by it. 

**There is an exception to this for both people from outside of the south and southern people from the cities...we won't fuss at you about it, but we won't be polite to you either, since proper etiquette isn't something you expect from people.

5. Southern men beat up women:

  BOYS DO NOT HIT GIRLS! 

Even if a girl is trying to knock their brains out of their head.  You may defend and subdue a violent woman, but you cannot openly strike a woman without some pretty serious repercussions. The very least is that a man bigger than you will hit you back, but it's more likely that 15 men who are bigger than you will do it, and repeatedly. The logic in this is that since the offender thinks it's okay to knock around someone smaller than himself, then it must be okay for men bigger to do it to him, so he shouldn't have too much to complain about.

Side Ruling: If a woman isn't complaining about getting routinely beaten, there isn't a lot you can do about it. This applies all over the country, sadly. However, in the south, we take revenge against these offenders of the sacred rule by small acts of non-compliance.  Like said man can't get any polite service, no one's willing to help him out, etc.  It's like shunning with the Amish.  If he gets his back up about it, and asks you why you're being rude, and you're southern you'll tell him what a P.o.S. he is and why you're not going to be polite til he learns to be a gentleman, by God!

   This is not to say that Southern Ladies don't know how to take care of themselves.  I once saw a girl take out a guy's eye with the heel of her shoe, after he punched her in the face.  We just sort of have this cultural norm that if there's a man around to take the hit for you, let him.  If not, whoop some ass! ;)

(Let me stop for a moment and state that redneck girls are NOT southern ladies! What they are is idiotic women who have settled for less than they deserve...but I guess someone has to work the drive-thru.)

4. In the South, time moves slower:

This is one that actually bothers me:  Everything takes for-freaking-ever in the south!  

Everyone's really chatty and polite, even in drive-thrus or when you're just trying to pay for gas... it all requires at least five minutes of polite conversation, 10-15 minutes if you know them personally. When I go back home, a trip to Walmart requires a thorough rechecking of my high school yearbook, in case I run into people who remember me, but whom I do not remember. (This happens regularly)  They all want to rehash 'the good old days' for half an hour a piece, while my milk gets warm...Once, I went to Walmart for toothpaste and ended up staying there for upwards of 2 hours, just running into people I went high school with...most of the time, it's pleasant, but sometimes, you just want to get the hell outta there, you know?

3.  Everybody calls you "baby":

     This doesn't bother me, but it sure bothers my husband whenever some man I've just met is calling me Honey, Sweetie, Darlin', etc.  A very nice Swedish exchange student was very, very concerned that the 80-something year old lunch lady kept calling him "sweetie" and squeezing his hand, and smiling at him.  It took rather a lot of convincing to make him understand that no, she was not trying to sleep with him, she just wanted to be welcoming and polite and also make sure he was listening when she spoke. I still tease him about his "lover" Mrs. Robertson. (yes, we all call him "Graduate". Yes, he hates it.)

2. Confederate Flags and The War of Northern Aggression: 

     This is one of those things that other people hate, but Southerners embrace.  It's not all that uncommon to see confederate flags everywhere. No one cares. (Unless you happen to actually be a racist prick, but there again, people in the south will shut you up about it pretty quickly)  The War of Northern Aggression:  Yes, we call it that and here's why:  These days, people are tainted by the view that the Civil War was about Slavery.  In part it was, but it didn't start out that way.  It began as a conflict over state's rights and the 10th amendment.  The majority of land-holders in the south did not own slaves.  They couldn't afford it. That's why there's not too many Plantations still around; there weren't that many to begin with.  When people in the south discuss slavery, there is a solemnity that consumes the discussion, that is contrite. Yes, we regret it.  However, we also embrace the cultural variety that slavery brought with it.  If you want to be pissed at someone over slavery, be pissed at the Dutch; they started it!

1. Lack of P.C. verbage, conservatism and "the redneck factor":

     We see no need to get all P.C. and pussy-hurt over racial/homophobic linguistics.  As stated before, we don't care.  We say what we think, and believe it or not, we are tolerant of the ideals of others, provided you can make your statement of belief in such a way that you convince us that you have thought it through thoroughly.  We detest all people who adopt a point of view to which they have no connection or knowledge.  And we will challenge your viewpoint.  Stand firm:  Most southerners would probably agree with you on most politically liberal ideology, but we love to argue, so we'll often argue the opposing side just to have the argument. (Think about it: the best lawyers in America are southern...there's a reason for that)

   We are conservative when it comes to fiduciary interests. Southerners view true Americanism as self-reliance, tolerance, community, intellect and ingenuity. When we see people abusing the welfare system, it makes us mad as hornets!  When people accuse the south of not conserving natural resources, there again, it infuriates us! (My Grandfather retro-fitted his car to run on moonshine during WWII, and kept it that way. He donated his gas rations to the lady down the road, who had eggs to deliver. He also made his own gas for his lawnmower in a gaserator in his backyard til the day he died.)

     Southerners do tend to hunt for sport.  We also are active in charities such as "hunters for the hungry" and "fishing for families", both of which supply hungry families with fresh meat. Both charities are well-known throughout the southern U.S.

    Most southerners plant innumerable trees on their properties to encourage the natural environment to flourish.  We love nature, and we try like hell to respect and conserve the natural beauty of the south whenever we can. We don't usually participate in environmentally destructive activities without counter-balancing our impact. This was especially hard in the 70s, with Southern states being mostly agricultural and not having strict environmental guidelines.  Industry moved in, people took jobs where they could and in short order, everything went all to hell.  We've worked very, very hard to rebuild the environment since then.  We continue to conserve wherever we can.  But if you live in the suburbs, and a Deer is picking through your trash, there's a Deer problem, and their numbers need thinning. (Believe it or not, this is also conservation. If a Deer is coming to your house to look for food, there's too many Deer in the woods; their food is running low, and they need a lowering of population in order to ensure the survival of the species.)

So now, all you "Yankees" are in the know a little more about Southern Identity.  Don't knock it; it has benefited you in many ways, not the least of which is Mardi Gras, and y'all seem to love that! ;P 

Back In Action!

So, spent a week and a half with Strep Throat....yuck!

I decided that since I do get asked A LOT about when I find the time to work out, I thought I should go ahead and post a run-down of my usual day so y'all can see how it is that I get anything done.

First, I wake up at 6am sharp, but I don't get out of bed.  Instead, I bring the baby over to me and nurse him for about 30 minutes. Then I start my FLYLADY morning routine...IT WORKS!  Then, I change baby H and dress him and wake up my older son to get ready for school. While DS is getting ready, I get dressed in my workout gear. More often than not, baby H is fussing and/or crying the entire time...I just put up with it.

  I get DS off to school and by the time I get back, DD is up and asking for food.  She gets a light breakfast because she doesn't eat much until lunch time.  Then I set her up with Dora on Netflix and give baby H a few graham crackers in his bouncer.  Then I plug my ear buds into my cell and start my podrunner.  As of late, I've been carrying 10lbs of extra weight in the form of 2-5lb hand weights.  I do my podrunner in my house.  Yep, I walk and jog on a little track from my front door, around my kitchen table, back into the hall, and back to the front door.  The good thing about using podrunner is that it has a rhythm.  So long as you're keeping the beat by moving around, you're good.  Sometimes, DD wants milk, so I march sort-of in place while I pour a sippy cup of milk.  But she is usually already set-up with one and is ordered to stay on the couch and out of the way.  The workout happens to be about the same length as an episode of any kid's show, like Dora, so I'm finished by the time her show is over.

It's now about 9:30am, sometimes 10am. It's time for DD to get dressed and start her pre-K pages.  She does them in English and Spanish, so I alternate days. Mon, Wed, Fri in English; Tues, Thurs in Spanish.  I usually have to nurse baby H again and put him down for a nap by about 11am.  

DD is finished by lunchtime (12pm), so I give her a PB&J and juice or milk.  When she finishes lunch, she's ready to crash, so I let her watch Sesame Street until she falls asleep on the couch.  Then, I try to get laundry folded as fast as I can.  Between two little kids, you might get 20 minutes where they're both asleep at the same time and that's action time!!!!

Baby H gets up from his nap at about 12:30pm, I wake up DH for his second-shift job.  We spend a little time playing with the kids, and he gets ready, while I help him by finding everything he put down, but couldn't remember where he left it. (Of course, I've been telling him for 9 years to put it all in one spot, but he has his ways) By 2pm, he's off to work, I give the kids a snack and load up the dishwasher to keep the sink clear. I realize that this is futile with little kids who need a new cup every 10 minutes, but you know...) I don't run it because we conserve electricity from 12pm-7pm.  I also put my dinner in the crockpot on high so that's it's ready by 6:30pm. At 3pm, I pack up all the kids and pick-up DS from school, check the mail, go by the library if needed, pick up any groceries and extras I forgot to get the last time I was at the store two days ago.  I head home and it's nearly 5:30pm.  I have the kids go out to play, I nurse baby H again because he's starving.  At 6pm, I make yet another futile attempt to clean up the kitchen before dinner. (There is always a debris field of toys, that's why I ALWAYS wear shoes in the house...I'm not dummy!)  I wipe down the table and get plates ready and call the kids in to dinner by 7pm. (baby H seems to make everything take 30minutes longer) by 7:30pm, I allow 30 minutes of TV or video games.  8pm is time to get ready for bed.  Baths, jammies and teeth brushed by 8:30pm, I put the older 2 into bed, and nurse baby H again.  If it should happen that both older kids are asleep or at least behaving, and baby H is down for the night (or the next hour) I take a shower/bubble bath depending on time constraints.  Then I finish up cleaning the kitchen and loading the dishwasher. I start the dishwasher, put another load of laundry into wash. I watch TV and eat some dinner.  I start the laundry in the dryer, and go to bed.

I can't recommend FLYLADY routines more...they are great, they give a little to-do list of things that should be done, and if you do them, you'll notice you have a bit more time on your hands for other things. (like blogging! ) I'm usually in bed by 12am, but I'm almost never asleep until 2am.  It's a bummer, but that's life.  I suffer mild insomnia.  I cannot get to sleep before 2am unless I am very ill, in which case, my sleep pattern is all thrown off anyway. 

Well, there's a day in the life....I wish I were more disciplined and kept my house cleaner and neater, but I'm starting to learn that when you have kids, you just collect "stuff"...toys, big, small and tiny.  And the clothes!! why do kids have mountains of clothes, no matter how often you cull it and give it all away?? it's like the Bermuda Boomerang!  You get rid of it, but then it's back again! 

Okay, being that it's Sunday, and once again, I skipped Mass,( bad mommy!)  I should make up for my having eaten meat on a Friday by donating a crap-ton of winter clothes to the clothing bank at our church.   We live in Arizona for God's sake, we don't' need that many sweaters and coats!  My ambition is to get rid of all of the extras, which I love but honestly couldn't wear in the 2.3 months that I might actually need a sweater.

We'll see!

btw, check my weight-loss progress here.

Well, I guess I can't stay fat forever, even if I really love food!

Now, Y'all know I love food! I'm southern, and I can't help it. Hell, it's us who came up with all the best fried foods! Fried dough, fried chicken, fried snickers, fried turkey, chicken-fried steak, fried fish...the list goes on forever. And apparently, so does my waistline! lol

So, my post-turkey-day weight is a whopping 173.8lbs!  Good Lord! That's a thanksgiving weight gain of 9lbs! WOW!  So, I guess I'd better start doing something about that...

My semi-official diet/exercise plans are as follows:

Official weigh-in day: monday (that way, I'll remember to watch my diet on the weekends! that's always where I slip up!)

Exercise:First day to 5k intervals

   these work marvelously! I used podrunner the last time I dropped 30+ pounds, so I know it works!

Diet: No more than 1200 calories per day, no less than 1000. even though I have more than 20lbs to lose, since I actually plan on working out, I can't drop too low, or else, my body will freak-out and convert everything directly to fat. that's bad. I have all the cellulite I need, thank you!  Plus, I'm nursing, and that burns an addition 300-500 calories per day, so I'll really have to tweak it in the following weeks.  I've never tried to lose weight while nursing, but I've also never had so many physical demands either; keeping up with my kids is important! :)

I will also start a new blog just for weight loss, so I can report on my progress to all of you. I won't get too bummed if I break-down and make beignets and eat all 18 of them.  And of course, kick myself for the next week for having done so!  But I know myself, and that's good, so I'll know when my screw-ups are coming. lol! 

If you're looking to lose some weight, go on ahead and post what you're doing, and let's support eachother!
Visit My Weight Loss blog!

BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN

Well, Hell's Bells!  In the month I had to take off from doing really anything, I've managed to let my house go all to hell, gain 11lbs. and leave my kids and husband without a workable amount of laundry.  Poor Hubby tried to do laundry and ended up bleaching his clothes all out. So, I'll probably spend the better part of the next week catching up on laundry and dying the color back into his jeans, if I can.

I also need to get my messy house in order.  Usually, it's neat as a pin because that's how I like it, but what can I say?  When Mama goes down, everything follows!

However, I did manage to read all of my Sookie Stackhouse books, and I'm all caught up. I'm excited to see where Charlaine Harris plans to take my favorite southern heroine!  The cliffhanger on the last book had me reeling a little bit, but it's okay.  Charlaine's books are so much better than True Blood, but I think it's because in True Blood, there's an expiration date. You can only keep people looking exactly the same age for a maximum of 7 years,  After that, it starts to show through.  So, all of the story lines that they want to cover have to be blended in such a way as to wrap up the story in X amount of time.  Which is a shame because I'm enjoying the cavalcade of hot guys! ;)  I also caught up on my True Blood DVDs! :)  I like Alcide the best because he reminds me of my husband, both in the books and the show.  Yeah, that's about what my Hubby looks like, and that ain't not bad!

My auntie has a sort of fascination with Aleksander Skargard. (I need an umlaut!) I think he's ok, but my big Scandinavian crush is Alan Hyde, who's too adorable for words! Check out his online show: "Alla Salute!"  It's hilarious! I think it's obvious I've had a lot of extra time on my hands this week...lol.

Well, I plan to post reviews of the Sookie Stackhouse books as soon as I find mysef having more free time, though it won't be anytime soon.  But for my SVM pals, just to clear something up, Sookie has Eric's blood twice in DEAD IN DALLAS and again in CLUB DEAD.  Eric has Sookie's blood twice in DEAD TO THE WORLD...I'll go back over my books again to see when he has her blood the third time, but suffice it to say that while reading of their 'times' together, it's hardly my first concern.

mildly off-topic side note: My husband has decided that he likes the name sookie for our next baby girl...not really sure if I'm a fan or not. I'd have to live with it for a while to see, but I'm definitely not saying no! :) Although, I'd spell it differently. Maybe Suky? We'll see!

 Have a good week Y'all!

Swimming Alone in a Pool of Nothingness and It Feels Good!

My sweet, loving, adorable manly husband is my only blog reader.  That bothers him.  He thinks it should bother me too. But it really, really doesn't.  I don't write this blog in the hope of attracting followers.  I write it so there's something of myself out there for my friends and family to keep tabs on me, if they choose. And besides, I'm not much of a diary keeper, and on the off-chance that my little ones will want to know more about me as a budding mama, they'll have a resource that's likely more lasting than a spiral notebook.

Last night, I dreamed of Spanish Moss in bare trees with multicolored leaves on the ground and I could actually smell the cold in the air. I wasn't anywhere special, just outside in the cold. I love the cold! One day, I'd love to move to someplace where it actually gets cold.  Maybe Denmark, since I've got family there. (Hej, Broder!) But more likely Norway, so I could see the Northern Lights.  Canada's too familiar to be exotic, so Northern Europe would be good, at least to visit. I'd kind of like to see the sun rise at midnight.  But to be truthful, I will probably never make it there. By the time we've saved enough money to be able to afford to take our time in another country, we'll probably be too old to go and will likely just give the money to our kids.  That's why we're doing everything we're doing: to give our kids better than we ever had when we were kids.  Maybe they'll have kids and try to give them better, too. 

That's sort of my only real dream: give my children better so they'll do better and keep going, getting better, making the world a better place, generation after generation.  Otherwise, it would all be a waste.  Everything I do, I do for my family because that's all we have in this world.  Friends, even best friends, come and go but your family's yours no matter what. Sometimes, that's good, sometimes that's bad, but they're there, and that's all that matters.

October...A time to heal...from a URI...

Okey-dokey...here's what's been going on the last month:

I got an upper-respiratory infection and have had to stop working out :(

I had to take 2 courses of antibiotics, which i will finish in 3 days, thank God! :)

While I'm waiting to heal, I thought I'd pass along some frugal living tips I've started using to help keep costs down while we try to save up for a Christmas visit to my mommy's house, and hopefully, SNOW!!! (My babies have never played in the snow, or been sledding or made snowmen or snow angels either, so it's a big deal.)

So here's what we're doing to get that money together:

1. I use spot shot for a laundry pretreater...I've tried every natural/economical concoction and never had much success with them, so I just use the carpet spray. It works great and I don't have to stand there, scrubbing out marker like a crazy person, or wash the same clothes 5 times!! (also purell or milk work really good for removing ink stains, and you can get rid of grease stains with baking soda...just FYI)

2. I make my own laundry soap. 4C of boiling hot water, 1C shredded hand soap, 1C borax 1C washing soda. Mix all together in a 2 gallon bucket until dissolved. then add enough water to fill the bucket. Let sit overnight and stir, using 1/4C per load. (or just mix the dry ingredients and use 2TBSP in each wash).

3. I'm making my old gas-guzzler into a hybrid...How? I'm having my husband and son make me an HHO fuel cell for my son's science badge in Cub Scouts, thus saving on gas, which, let's face it, we all need a little help in that area, and simultaneously achieving a badge for my son!

4. Work with my electric company to lower my costs. We have an evening plan that lowers our rates from 7pm-7am which is when I'm up cleaning the house after the kids have gone to bed anyway. There are also weekend plans, where it's free on the weekends, kind of like a cell phone plan.

5. Prepay utilities with my tax return. This one I LOOOOOVE! We take our tax return and prepay all of our steady utilities- Water, sewer, trash, etc. a year in advance. They usually will give us either a lower monthly rate or a free month for paying in advance, and then it's one less bill we have to figure out how to pay, and it keeps us able to pay our mortgage and other floating cost bills we can't pay for in advance. (*NOTE* some electric companies will let you pay $X.00 against the cost of your electricity for that year, that will take a certain amount off every month. example: pay $1200 with your taxes, it will take off $100 every month for the next year. *Some cell phone companies will extend the same free month of service for advanced payment as well.) 

I know not everybody gets a tax refund, and that's okay, you can still save if you do the next step...you'll save a TON, too!!!

6. Shop deep discount sales only with coupons and keep to your list! I only shop with coupons, and only when the item I have a coupon for is on a great sale. For example, if a 5lb bag of tyson chicken tenders is on sale for $6.88 and I have a $1.50 off coupon, then that's what I'm buying, and that's what we're eating! I'll make pot pie with some cream of chicken soup and frozen mixed veg; Or fried chicken tenders, mac n cheese and green beans, which I always buy on sale. My shopping rules are: Only buy what is A) on sale B) has a coupon and C) will keep in my freezer or pantry. I try to keep my fridge open for prepped food and fresh fruits and veg. My kids will eat a pound of fresh green beans before I even get home from the store! :) 

7. Put what you saved into a savings account!   Since I'm out shopping anyway, I add up all my receipts' savings and take out that much from my debit card at my final register/POS. (If it's $6+, I round up to the next ten.) And put it in my savings account at the credit union. I never save with big banks. I'll do checking since it's more convenient while traveling, but the yield rate on a credit union savings account is usually higher than that of a larger bank, and credit unions are non-profit and locally owned, which gives you less chance of getting completely screwed out of your own money.

8. Buy what you can locally! and EAT WHOLE GRAINS! I'm not one of those "save the planet, shop local" types, (I couldn't give a damn) but I find that we eat less when our food is grown locally. I don't know why, but it seems like it's more nourishing when it's fresher, therefore requiring less of it to feel satisfied. I also use whole grains whenever I can for the same reason...Give it a try! Switch to whole wheat for a week, and see how much further it goes! :) Buy whole wheat bread, whole wheat pasta, etc. Whole grains are your friends! :)

Well, that's about it. I've only been employing these techniques for a month, and I've already put over $200 into savings. I haven't even got that HHO fuel cell in yet! Imagine how much I'll save then when I only have to buy gas once a month!!!

I dare Y'all! Go on and try it! If I can do it, Y'all can too! 

HUGS AND LOVE!

30 days in Hell: Day 3

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!
     I've decided that the best way to excise my baby weight is to exercise and consume a sensible diet of 1200 calories per day, doing my best to boost my nutrition through fruit and vegetable consumption.
     My chosen workout: Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. Boy, is it kicking my butt all over the place!!  Day one was not so tough, I thought to myself "Hey, this is gonna be easy!"

Then I woke up! OH THE PAIN! THE PAIN OF IT ALL!
Literally, every muscle in my body was sore! Even muscles I wasn't aware I even had! >.<  Now, I'm not pansy; I do interval cardio three days a week as it is, but interval cardio/strength/abs is a rough combo!  I chided myself vigorously for not having done the cool-down properly...it was my own fault.

Day two was not too bad, and I pushed through it, like always. I did need a nap, which I would need anyway, given that I'm up for at least haf of the night, when I would otherwise be sleeping. (I can't help it, even at 3am, my little Bear is so friggin' cute, I just have to play with him! I know, I shouldn't be encouraging a 3am playtime...)

Day 3, I thought I was going to be so sore, but to my surprise, I wasn't any more sore than if I had polished my furniture the day before. I mostly felt it in my arms and chest. But I don't mind...my boobs are getting a free lift, and that ain't not bad! ;)  Tomorrow's another adventure in 30 Day Shred, and hopefully, I won't have to do the wussy version anymore. 
     I'm happy to report that I am finding that I now have an almost unnatural energy level. It's near 11am, I've been up since 5, and I feel just fine...I'm usually draggin' ass right about now, but not today! :)
     And yesterday was a more than usually productive day. Yeah, I've got some sore muscles, but it's worth it to be able to stay awake all day and keep up with my kids!
See, it's not really about the baby weight. I don't have that much of it and it'll come off pretty fast anyway. (I've lost 25lbs in the past 4 months without really trying) The real reason is endurance.  With four very imaginative and active kids, and a goal for at least 2 more kids, if I don't keep up my endurance, the inmates will take over the asylum! :P
     So, while 25 minutes of hellish torture everyday hurts, I am thoroughly enjoying a re-balancing of my circadian rhythm, added energy throughout the day, and increased productivity.  At this rate, I may actually reach my goal of getting to a size 6 in Six months!  Well, in two months really... I've already wasted four months screwing around, not really trying. 
     So far, so good since I've lost 4lbs in 3 days!  That's a pretty good return for only investing 25 minutes per day! :D

    So, for all my readers, I dare you...no. I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU to do Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred, with a 1200 calorie diet.  You can do it, and after 30 days, I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that you'll be very proud of your hot new body, but also you'll be very proud of how strong you've become!

Yo Gabba Gabba Rocks!

     My kids love Sesame Street, just like I always did. I liked Sesame Street because it had cool, colorful characters and awesome music. Sesame Street still rocks. But it's over in an hour and it leaves my kids wanting more fun.

    Then along came Yo Gabba Gabba! It started with my now 6 year old son, who thought the Aquabats and They Might Be Giants were just the coolest bands ever! Now, he's passed the torch to my 3 year old daughter, who knows nearly all the songs by heart.  But since her nickname is 'banana', of course, "Banana" by the Aggrolites is her favorite.  And why not? Bananas are awesome!

      No wonder remixes of Yo Gabba Gabba! music are popping up in clubs all over the country.  Apart from Sesame Street, it's the only show with cool music, humane characters, kick-ass guest stars and even more awesome musical segments!

     Plus, there's an episode featuring Mos Def, who I love forever and ever! He's one of the most talented actors I've seen perform, as well as a musical phenomena. ( I cite" The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", "Be Kind, Please Rewind" and the best of all, an episode of House M.D. #519 "Locked In") That's the kind of talent that Yo Gabba Gabba attracts, and that's good, not just for kids learning to do daily activities and NOT bite their friends, but for grown-ups looking to give their kids the same kind of awesomeness that we had as kids with Sesame Street, with a slightly harder edge.

As I Lay Dyin'

     So, I finally got around to watching "Limitless".  It was awesome!  That's my kind of flick.
But it got me thinking:  If I could access 100% of my brain, just for one day, what would I do?  Would I learn new languages?  Would I head to Las Vegas and cash out like a crazy person?  Would I write a plan for world peace and submit it to the Nobel Prize committee?

      No. I wouldn't do any of that.  If I only had one day to do anything I could ever want to do, I'd probably organize my entire house, and label everything!  It's a humble dream, but it's mine.  Trying to keep a clean and organized house is a big issue for me, primarily because all of the cleaning and organizing takes so much time away from just hanging out with my family.

      If my home was consummately clean and well-organized, I believe I would dedicate all of my time to being with my husband and children.

      When I look at my life, I look at it from the perspective of: "What will I be thinking about on my deathbed?"  In that moment when all of my years will be slipping away from this world, what will I want to remember?
      I'll remember how excited my daughter was when my son lost his first tooth. She was happier than he was!  I'll remember my kids running through the sprinklers on a summer day, and seeing how far they can spit watermelon seeds.  I'll remember the first time they saw snow, and how beautiful everything was, covered gently in a soft blanket of white.  I'll remember the day my husband proposed to me.  I made him ask me three times before I said yes.  I'll remember honeysuckle, and showing my babies how to get the nectar out of them to eat.  I'll remember how they'd blow dandelions and get a little stuck to their mouths.  I'll remember the first time I cooked dinner for my husband; it was Indian food.  I'll remember how proud he was the first time he mowed his own yard, here in the desert.  I'll remember the Sunday tradition of grilling steaks, regardless of weather; the smells of onions being grilled and hear the sizzle of steaks being flipped, while we argue about the correct level of doneness.

     I suppose these seem like mundane things.  Why wouldn't I remember Amritsar or Goa? Why wouldn't I want to remember that time I went skydiving? Because none of those adventures really matter.  Traveling the world and doing completely crazy things, all for the thrill of new and exciting, well, it's all alright if you don't have what matters most in all the world.  When you have a love that never dies, a love that can't be broken, no matter how you try to hurt it, that's the best thing in the world!  And it's something no amount of adventure or selfish endeavor will ever afford you.

     Love's funny like that; It's a gift.  And it's a weird gift because it's one that you can only get more of if you give it away.  The more freely you give it, the more it falls all around you.  If you try to keep ahold of it, you'll lose it.  No one ever told me that before.  I was always told that love was a give-and-take.  As it turns out, love's a give-and-give-some-more!  The more love I give, the more it boomerangs back at me, with greater depth and force.

     Sometimes, I sit drinking my coffee in the morning, and I start to cry.  It's just all too beautiful for me, the joy and gratitude just pours from my eyes,  My cup runneth over.  The memories make me grateful.  I'm grateful to have been blessed with so much beauty in my life.

     And tonight, we'll grill out steaks, the kids will run and play and eat watermelon.  My husband will ask me for  a rum and iced tea, made in my special way, and marinate steak in beer and his "special seasonings", and I'll have another beautiful, remarkable and amazing memory to think about as I lay dying, and everyday until then.

Happy Birthday Monkey!

Six years ago today, My Monkey was born! :D
I can't believe it's been six years!  Where did the time go???  To this day, I have no idea what good thing I did in my life to deserve my children, but whatever it was, I'm sure glad I did it!

     We'll be having cupcakes and texas gumballs for dinner, and have the ceremonious blowing out of the candle for the birthday wish...followed by a HUGE family party in a couple of weeks.  In our family, any party requires a two week notice to get everyone together.  On my side of the family, there's 32 cousins and on my husband's side, there's only 15.  Plus adults, there's about 60 people to feed at any given time.  For some people, that's a family reunion!

     I've got a lot of work and planning ahead of me...maybe I'll make some sweet tea! :)

A vent, a rant and a sigh of exasperation

     I home school my kids.  Why this information shocks people, I will never know.  I hadn't planned on doing it when I was a homeschooled kid myself, but once I entered the Public school system for my last couple of years of schooling before college, I instantly understood that I was much more intelligent than my peers by vast degrees.  Most of my peers were stumbling through one foreign language, while I had a good handle on at least three, with four more in a more infantile state.  In those years, I lost a great amount of knowledge that I wouldn't recover until my third year of college. It was pretty obvious to me back then, that public education is lacking in too many ways to repair.  As I studied the subject, I discovered that the public school system has been vehemently opposed by the most respected educators since it's inception over one-hundred years ago.  That was a true shock to me, considering how vast the public school system is.  I considered private school, only to find that privately schooled children are just as ill-educated as their publicly schooled counterparts, with a surprisingly higher drug and alcohol abuse rate. 
    For me to give my kids the best possible education, I was going to have to take it into my own hands.  And so I did.  But why is this move seen as subversive?
     I believe the general public has too much faith in their government, or are willing to settle for poor education in favor of having a two-income household with a lot of stuff.  Somewhere, a very bad compromise has been made at the expense of our children's futures.  And while kids these days are looking at a new 8 hour school day to counter their parent's 8 hour work day, a homeschooled child will probably spend about 3-4 hours per day actually doing school work....That's a win-win as far as I'm concerned.

     Another annoying point in this, people always assume I'm some kind of fundamentalist Baptist or something. although, I find the concept of fundamentalist protestantism hilariously contradictory! How can you be protestant and a fundamentalist???  I'm just saying.

     Besides, even if I wanted to be a fundy, I doubt my shorts and myriad 6 inch heels will do well in that environment.  I do, however, have long hair, but that's more for the sake of versatility than anything else.  Plus, it gives a sense of wildness to me that my husband finds very appealing! ;)

I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks

Every June, it begins, and every August it passes away again. My summertime yearning for home.  Back home in THE SOUTH, This is the busiest time of year.

      Every blackberry and raspberry bush has been stripped to bare by birds, hungry kids who don't want to bother going home for a snack, and ladies who will make the best jams and jellies in the world.  My mom would be chasing me out of the kitchen and telling me "that batch is yours, since you can't keep your fingers out of it!" and I would smile and say "Good, maybe I'll put my fingers in the rhubarb and strawberry jam too!" Then Mama gives me the look that tells me I had better not. But she always makes extra for me anyway.
     I would be whipping out "Shoo-Fly Pie" and Pecan pie as fast as I could get them in and out of the oven, while Mama curses the created heat, and swears she's going to move the oven out on to the back porch. (Of course she never does)
   After a busy morning of jam making, baking and canning every last tomato on earth, it seems, I'm finally on my way to the river with my best friend. We pack in with our kids and run-down the checklist of everything we'll need: towels, fishing rods and nets, a pot, butter, garlic, parsley, a HUGE igloo of Iced Tea, homemade sun-tea to be precise, and river shoes (otherwise known was old, ratty tennis shoes)
     We search the rocky riverbanks for crayfish, which we call "craw-daddies" or "crawdads" and keep an ear out for the ticking of snake doctors, or dragonflies.  Most people don't know this, but when a dragonfly starts ticking over the water, there's a snake in the water, usually a water moccasin, hence the name 'snake doctor'. (now you know)
     After a more-or-less successful haul of crayfish, we set up a small fire by the side of the river.  Of course, we've forgotten the required marshmallows, so it's necessary that someone go to the tackle store to see if they have some. They always do. We cook crayfish, which only the adults eat, while the kids roast marshmallows until dusk. We put out the fire and pack it all in, weary from the day and full of junk food. Maybe a couple of fish to take home, too.
     Once home, we are required to eat dinner, even though no one is really very hungry.  We all drink copious amounts of Iced Tea and wait until the fried chicken and biscuits are cold before we really want to eat them.  Fried okra is eaten like a handful of popcorn, a little at a time. After dinner, the kids run through the yard like wild things, catching fireflies/lightening bugs and laughing maniacally until it is proclaimed bed-time.  The universal "AAAW!" rises up from the crowd, but they go in and get pajamas, brush their teeth and sleep with their little jars of fireflies for night lights.

     While the kids are asleep, the grown-ups break out guitars, a banjo maybe, and 'pick a little'. They play songs we all know, usually Johnny Cash's early stuff, or Hymns. The ladies who don't sing or play, will make some form of snack while the musicians get in tune, and everyone will enjoy a tall glass of iced tea and moonshine, from Franklin County or Lafayette, and have what we call 'redneck sangria'. Music and drink fill the night air all around the house.
     This will usually go on until 1 or 2am, when the players are tired and sobered up a bit. Everyone is required to take a plate of food home, and a pitcher of sun-tea. The night is still warm, but cool enough to feel nice.

  As the dew falls, it smells like clover everywhere, just before you nod-off to sleep, out on the screened back porch, on the hammock you hung up there when you were ten.

HOPE AND FAITH...in my blogging and organizing abilities

    So, I've been thinking about how to make a good and instructive blog and what I'd like to have in it.  I think I'd like to put out there all the stuff that I look for in a blog:  Marriage advice, parenting tips, good recipes, homeschooling idea and resources, how to live as cheaply as possibly, how to get out of debt...I've been thinking about how to structure it all and learn to blog and link and the whole nine yards!  I'm one of those people that has at least ten-thousand articles on making household cleaners, and I keep the ones that don't work for crap...why do I do that?!  I also keep old magazines and TV guides..I can't think of more useless things than old magazines and TV guides, but there they sit in stacks, waiting for nothing.  I have at least a hundred books I love but haven't read in years.  If I really feel like I have to keep them, I should at least box them up.
    I'm a big reader.  I love to read and reread the classics, except Ernest Hemingway...and John Saul.  ( I dont' know why, but their books seem like they will never end or get to the damn point already! )  I have at least four old, worn copies of Little Women, but I haven't read it in three years.  But I don't have any of my Laura Ingalls books, and I'm always trying to find them for my kids and I to read!  If I don't start getting my house and life organized like it used to be, and better, I'm going to sink under all of this stuff that I never can find a use for! :)
    So, in the spirit of full disclosure, I confess to you my brothers and sisters, that I am officially a MESS!  And something has to be done about it soon.
     Step one in the process of organizing my home:  Download ebook formats of all of my favorite books and put them on a flydrive, so I can read them anywhere, and get rid of all excess copies of books. One bookcase will be enough for me, and should be enough for me...what am I doing, Hording fuel for fires?
    Repeat step one with cookbooks. No one needs five Gordon Ramsay cookbooks just because he's a hot, muscled, well-built man who can cook.  I have one of those at home, and he doesn't require a three-berry couli for cheesecake!