Let Me preface my post with the statement that I LOVE BEING SOUTHERN! But I recently read a blog that bashed the south all over the place, from a guy who pretty much stuck to Texas and Florida, neither of which qualify as Southern States. (Florida has been taken over by skyscrapers, and Texas is Western, not Southern. Hell, it is even SouthWestern! It's just Texas.)
But there are some things to hate about it. Mostly, this is a list of misconceptions that drive me half-way to the Nut Hut!
10. Everyone thinks you're a Clampett!
I am not, nor are any of my friends or acquaintances, ill-educated. But somehow, whenever I would go for a job interview, despite my stellar recommendations and education, I was always asked "Is this your first time in shoes?" yuck, yuck, yuck! I am always too southern and too polite for violent revenge, so I think they should appreciate my Southern Identity, since it keeps me from punching them in the face!
9. Southerners are NOT inbred.
Now, don't get me wrong, I laughed just as hard as anyone else when I heard Jim on "True Blood" refer to his packmaster as "Uncle-Daddy Calvin". Let's face it, it was hilarious! However, I can safely vouch that no couple of my knowledge is of any relation to eachother. (Though Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt were cousins...just so you know.) However, as with any tight-knit group, we have lots of Aunts and Uncles who are also of no real relation, so I guess it may be possible to marry your 'cousin', being that they aren't actually your cousin... You always hear about 'someone who knew someone who knew someone who was married to their cousin' but you never actually knew anyone who actually was, in fact, married to their cousin. But just to display our classic Southern back-handedness: In most northern states, it is legal to marry not only your first cousin, but also half-siblings. (um...gross!)
8. The perception that Southerners are racist:
Not to say that there aren't racist southerners, there certainly are. There are also racist Californians. But nowhere I have ever traveled in this country is more openly racist all around than Saginaw, MI. Michigan surprised me because I assumed that Northerners were by far more racially tolerant. I mean, Canadians seem to be. Apparently, that kind of tolerance and brotherhood stops at the border with Michigan. I'm not white enough to be white there, and not black enough to be black, and I got a lot of stare-downs and gestured threats from either side of that very wide divide...it creeped me out big-time! Arriving in Canada was like Dorothy arriving at Oz from the Dark Forrest! I was near to tears when I got there, that's how much it freaked me out!
7. The perception that Southerners are Homophobic:
This one surprised me and also made me laugh. My concept of homophobia is that men who are homophobic are really men who have latent homosexual tendencies, that they are afraid to admit to. Now that I think of it, just about everyone I know has a gay friend. At least one.
What I have noticed though, even if it is off-topic, is that Europeans have this like bizarre obsession with gays...like WTF? We had an exchange student beg us to take her to "where the gay people are" and I'm like "This is America, gay people are where everyone else is". She did not seem to comprehend this concept of intermingling...I suppose she figured there'd be like a gay embassy or something. Anyway, no, Southerners are no more homophobic than people of any other region. In fact, I'd say less-so because whether gay or straight, all southerners have a pronounced sense of personal style, so I guess we just take fabulous for granted. No shit, I wear pearls like all the time. (We revile those awful women who wear those hideous denim jumpers and have that 1980's poodle perm hair down to their knees! I mean come on! In Proverbs 31, God calls women to have fine clothing...A denim jumper dress is NOT fine clothing!)
I think that racial/homophobic-sounding slurs are like a meta-joke...you either understand it, or you don't. I was called Ghetto Booty since high school and I never thought twice about it. I also never thought twice about laughing at my (gay) buddy calling me a breeder, and my calling him a mary. We just happen to have a sense of humor that is lost on an overly-contrite American conscience.
6. Southerners are polite:
We are extensively polite. (often to the point of annoyance) Proper Etiquette is as ingrained in our identity as our finger prints. Southerners will chew your ass, and might even kick your ass, for any of the following:
-Not holding a door for a lady: (If the lady appears not to expect her Significant Other to hold the door for her, people shake their head and say things like "Poor abused girl! He doesn't even hold the door for her!")
-Honking to pick up a date, or really anyone: Except when there is inclimate whether and you have babies in the car! Once upon a time, my mother jerked one of my dates out through his car window, dragged him into the house and MADE him call his mother and apologize for making her look like she didn't know who to raise a boy. No Shit. He never honked again! (my mother is also the same woman who flipped a bull by his horns in her Sunday dress, but I digress...)
-Not saying "please" and "thank you": Even in the drive-thru, you must say please and thank you. For Southerners, it just comes naturally to say it, so when someone doesn't say it, we're thrown-off a little by it.
**There is an exception to this for both people from outside of the south and southern people from the cities...we won't fuss at you about it, but we won't be polite to you either, since proper etiquette isn't something you expect from people.
5. Southern men beat up women:
BOYS DO NOT HIT GIRLS!
Even if a girl is trying to knock their brains out of their head. You may defend and subdue a violent woman, but you cannot openly strike a woman without some pretty serious repercussions. The very least is that a man bigger than you will hit you back, but it's more likely that 15 men who are bigger than you will do it, and repeatedly. The logic in this is that since the offender thinks it's okay to knock around someone smaller than himself, then it must be okay for men bigger to do it to him, so he shouldn't have too much to complain about.
Side Ruling: If a woman isn't complaining about getting routinely beaten, there isn't a lot you can do about it. This applies all over the country, sadly. However, in the south, we take revenge against these offenders of the sacred rule by small acts of non-compliance. Like said man can't get any polite service, no one's willing to help him out, etc. It's like shunning with the Amish. If he gets his back up about it, and asks you why you're being rude, and you're southern you'll tell him what a P.o.S. he is and why you're not going to be polite til he learns to be a gentleman, by God!
This is not to say that Southern Ladies don't know how to take care of themselves. I once saw a girl take out a guy's eye with the heel of her shoe, after he punched her in the face. We just sort of have this cultural norm that if there's a man around to take the hit for you, let him. If not, whoop some ass! ;)
(Let me stop for a moment and state that redneck girls are NOT southern ladies! What they are is idiotic women who have settled for less than they deserve...but I guess someone has to work the drive-thru.)
4. In the South, time moves slower:
This is one that actually bothers me: Everything takes for-freaking-ever in the south!
Everyone's really chatty and polite, even in drive-thrus or when you're just trying to pay for gas... it all requires at least five minutes of polite conversation, 10-15 minutes if you know them personally. When I go back home, a trip to Walmart requires a thorough rechecking of my high school yearbook, in case I run into people who remember me, but whom I do not remember. (This happens regularly) They all want to rehash 'the good old days' for half an hour a piece, while my milk gets warm...Once, I went to Walmart for toothpaste and ended up staying there for upwards of 2 hours, just running into people I went high school with...most of the time, it's pleasant, but sometimes, you just want to get the hell outta there, you know?
3. Everybody calls you "baby":
This doesn't bother me, but it sure bothers my husband whenever some man I've just met is calling me Honey, Sweetie, Darlin', etc. A very nice Swedish exchange student was very, very concerned that the 80-something year old lunch lady kept calling him "sweetie" and squeezing his hand, and smiling at him. It took rather a lot of convincing to make him understand that no, she was not trying to sleep with him, she just wanted to be welcoming and polite and also make sure he was listening when she spoke. I still tease him about his "lover" Mrs. Robertson. (yes, we all call him "Graduate". Yes, he hates it.)
2. Confederate Flags and The War of Northern Aggression:
This is one of those things that other people hate, but Southerners embrace. It's not all that uncommon to see confederate flags everywhere. No one cares. (Unless you happen to actually be a racist prick, but there again, people in the south will shut you up about it pretty quickly) The War of Northern Aggression: Yes, we call it that and here's why: These days, people are tainted by the view that the Civil War was about Slavery. In part it was, but it didn't start out that way. It began as a conflict over state's rights and the 10th amendment. The majority of land-holders in the south did not own slaves. They couldn't afford it. That's why there's not too many Plantations still around; there weren't that many to begin with. When people in the south discuss slavery, there is a solemnity that consumes the discussion, that is contrite. Yes, we regret it. However, we also embrace the cultural variety that slavery brought with it. If you want to be pissed at someone over slavery, be pissed at the Dutch; they started it!
1. Lack of P.C. verbage, conservatism and "the redneck factor":
We see no need to get all P.C. and pussy-hurt over racial/homophobic linguistics. As stated before, we don't care. We say what we think, and believe it or not, we are tolerant of the ideals of others, provided you can make your statement of belief in such a way that you convince us that you have thought it through thoroughly. We detest all people who adopt a point of view to which they have no connection or knowledge. And we will challenge your viewpoint. Stand firm: Most southerners would probably agree with you on most politically liberal ideology, but we love to argue, so we'll often argue the opposing side just to have the argument. (Think about it: the best lawyers in America are southern...there's a reason for that)
We are conservative when it comes to fiduciary interests. Southerners view true Americanism as self-reliance, tolerance, community, intellect and ingenuity. When we see people abusing the welfare system, it makes us mad as hornets! When people accuse the south of not conserving natural resources, there again, it infuriates us! (My Grandfather retro-fitted his car to run on moonshine during WWII, and kept it that way. He donated his gas rations to the lady down the road, who had eggs to deliver. He also made his own gas for his lawnmower in a gaserator in his backyard til the day he died.)
Southerners do tend to hunt for sport. We also are active in charities such as "hunters for the hungry" and "fishing for families", both of which supply hungry families with fresh meat. Both charities are well-known throughout the southern U.S.
Most southerners plant innumerable trees on their properties to encourage the natural environment to flourish. We love nature, and we try like hell to respect and conserve the natural beauty of the south whenever we can. We don't usually participate in environmentally destructive activities without counter-balancing our impact. This was especially hard in the 70s, with Southern states being mostly agricultural and not having strict environmental guidelines. Industry moved in, people took jobs where they could and in short order, everything went all to hell. We've worked very, very hard to rebuild the environment since then. We continue to conserve wherever we can. But if you live in the suburbs, and a Deer is picking through your trash, there's a Deer problem, and their numbers need thinning. (Believe it or not, this is also conservation. If a Deer is coming to your house to look for food, there's too many Deer in the woods; their food is running low, and they need a lowering of population in order to ensure the survival of the species.)
So now, all you "Yankees" are in the know a little more about Southern Identity. Don't knock it; it has benefited you in many ways, not the least of which is Mardi Gras, and y'all seem to love that! ;P
